Shallow Water, Shallower Thoughts

September 4, 2018

A shallow thought came to me during this morning’s dip as the warm water coursed through my salt and pepper-tinged locks . . . This was it: have you ever wondered what the shelf-life of water is? Funny, neither had I; ever.

So, how long does water last? The shelf life—or life expectancy—of water is pretty short if you slop a little of the stuff on the floor; out comes a rag and it’s gone. So it kind of depends on the amount and location of the spill, the relative humidity at that time (and should the temperature be like, -35, it’ll freeze). But if the water comes as heavy and prolonged rain, it could hang around for weeks. Noah’s flood didn’t dry up for about a year.

Of course, it’s also possible that good old H2O can be put in a variety of containers: bottles, cans, jars, jugs, kilderkins, hogsheads, casks and demijohns; barrels, pans, tubs and pails; firkins, goatskins, rubber balloons and vessels of all kinds. Even in camels.

Have you been paying attention? That stuff about firkins and demijohns was just a red herring (a distraction, not a fish). I never mentioned anything about water’s life expectancy in ‘containers.’ I simply wondered about the shelf-life of water. Just ‘water’ and ‘shelf-life.’ So how long does water hang around on a shelf?

After further deep ponderations, I came to the conclusion that this is a pretty stupid proposition. Imagine if you will, water lying on a shelf. Who would store water on a shelf anyway? It would be fairly shallow, just like the thoughts I had in the dip.

Kindly forgive me for wasting your time. This has been a slow week. We’ll perk up next time.

P. Michael Jordan

P.S. Encourage others to sign up and receive The Dip each week . . . you know, those friends of yours who might enjoy this kind of weirdness).

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