Of Pests & Plagues (Part Two)

August 7, 2018

“The Advancing & Rapaciously Invincible Army of Doom.”

Last week we wrote about some of the pioneering trials we endured in our early days in Hawai’i; I warned you there was one more plague yet to come upon us . . .

Perhaps even worse than the rats and mice and other pests—like cockroaches the size of small cars—was the infestation of millipedes. Out of the ground they came, millions and millions of pink, hard-shelled, worm-like creatures; they marched swarmingly through the land, stopped by nothing. On their trek, they had to cross the main highway; the road turned pink, as cars squished the wee beasties into the pavement. Far too many survived, continuing their inexorable campaign of terror.

Into every nook and cranny, like army ants, they swarmed. Unlike the Hebrew people during the Egyptian plagues, we were not spared. Nothing we tried could stop those creepy crawlers. Into our rooms they snuck, through windows, doors and any little crack in the walls. Before bedtime each night, I would take a broom and literally sweep them off the walls and ceilings of our two rooms.

One woman, who shall remain nameless, was evidently accustomed to sleeping on her back with her mouth wide open. In the middle of the night, one of these crunchy, acrid-tasting arthropods dropped from the ceiling, right on target. She screamed—as would you or I. The infestation of those creatures lasted more than a month—and then suddenly, they disappeared—hardly ever to be seen again.

Hawaii has a balmy and tropical climate, with beautiful people—a lovely place to live. So if you’re thinking of moving to the Islands, remember that there are other species living there too—the downright unpleasant kind. They also enjoy the weather. You might want to consider opening and operating a pest control company; lots of competition, but instant success!

Till next week,

P. Michael Jordan

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